I am back! I’m so glad you’re here reading this! This means you are faithful, this means you want to be a part of this journey, and this means that you know I moved to Texas! Yes, I did. Talk about faith, right? The last time I spoke to you, I spoke to you all about faith and specifically on the topics of what are you believing and having active faith. On that note I want you to know, just as I wrote this with such strong conviction, I was living out every single word I wrote on faith. I was believing God to give me what He promised and second, I was put to the test in my faith and had to prove how active my faith really was and so the product of this was that we moved to Texas! Which I will speak on more on a completely different post.
Today I want to continue with my focus word for the year, Faith. There is something about not seeing your plans prevail that makes you ask yourself if your will is aligned with God’s will? And the obvious and immediate answer was no. I’ll further explain. At the ending of 2015 beginning of 2016, I had a prompting from the Holy Spirit telling me to leave my job. For a couple of reasons, to get in His word more, to finish my bachelors and to tend to some wrinkles that needed to be ironed out in my life and my marriage. I needed to dismantle all of the enemies lies, and religious approaches that kept us in bondage to them. We needed to reestablish boundaries, reestablish the foundation of our marriage and we needed freedom from the captivity of our past mistakes. And so, I did what most of us do when we think we know what Gods plan is. We begin to concoct ideas that we think are God’s and then cry once our plan falls through.
If I needed to leave my job, then I better come up with ways of sustaining us before I do that. I was still in college and my current job paid for college, so rationally I’d thought this would be one more bill that we would also have to pay for. David (my husband) decided to apply for a promotion at work. With this promotion we would be able to live off one income and live comfortably too (there’s that pesky word “comfort”). At the time we also wanted to live in Long Island (it was our safe choice so that we didn’t have to believe God for moving us too far from home, but that’s another blog piece!) and we had enrolled into a program for first time home buyers. We had the realtor, the loan approved, and were actively home seeking. We had it all planned out. I prayed, fasted, believed with my mouth, heart and head! And that was my will, my big plan.
The following was the end of my big plan. We received a letter in the mail saying the following “we regret to inform you that you did not get into….” Blah blah blah my husband didn’t get the job. And with that letter my plans and my heart were broken. I led worship at our home church for the Spanish service, and it was my turn to sing that evening. But instead I sat in the sound room completely heart broken siting with my good friend Joanne, I sobbed and spoke, and she did what she does best, she listened. I had faith in that God would fulfil my plan. And when my plan didn’t turn out as expected my world turned upside down. “Now, can we try it my way?” a gentle nudge whispered. And of course, in sobs I said, “yes God, yes.”
I mustered up faith, and this mustered up faith was the catalyst to seeing God move in my life in ways I never thought. Leaving my job and staying home got rid of my safety net. A safety net, that was made up of all my fears. Leaving my job gave me unsurmountable faith, faith that today led us to moving our entire life to Texas. I had so many uncertainties, like how would we pay our bills? What would people think of me? And what would be my next step in life? In busy NYC, there are stay at home mothers but stay at home wives? Not many! What will I tell my parents? And how am I going to survive economically? Will people will think I am lazy? Notice most of my questions revolved around what would people think. People pleasing, was my enemy and this was the first thing God dismantled once I left my job. There is something about having to explain to many, many, too many people that I was leaving my job because “God said so”. And soon the desire to even explain was gone, and I had no problem ignoring the question that would leave people wondering. The desire to people please soon disappeared and with it courage arises. I love how the apostle Paul explains this in Galatians 1:10
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Enveloping this mindset was detrimental to finding and aligning God’s will and mine. Listening to what people say about you usually doesn’t align with what God says about you or the desires He has put in your heart. So why follow so whole heartily the opinions of others when there is only one God who created you and you have access to him just like they do. (Now I do not dismiss wise counsel, it is wise to have many counselors, by people I mean the naysayers, negative and critical people.) I understood that God didn’t want me to live by a rule book but that He wanted me to explore freedom that comes through not caring what others think, and living solely to please Him. I think speaking about people pleasing will somehow be a ministry to me because it has been an enemy of progress. Living by the opinion of others was enslaving. I left behind the pride of looking good to others, and instead I chose to work on loving what I saw when I looked at me. This is one of the things I will not compromise, the pleasing you and live disappointing me. One act of obedience began all this in me, continues to transform me. What is God asking you to do in faith?
Stay tuned for this gals next post!